


Into Nowhere We Go

by Willidan



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 02:57:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/546900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willidan/pseuds/Willidan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal has never taken anything for himself; can the crew convince him to take what he wants for once</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Firefly BigBang on Dreamwidth many years ago. And there are so many cliches herein that you'll trip over them every time you turn around. Set after the BDM.

Mal wanted to hate Simon, and, oh, how he tried. Simon and his sister had brought nothing but trouble for his crew. He wanted to leave Simon and River behind with the hill folk when they were taken. Zoe had certainly wanted them to and Jayne was all for leaving them anywhere, including the space between the planets. But Mal kept going after Simon, saving him and his sister, no matter how much Mal’s brain was yelling at him to leave them behind.

And now, apparently, Simon had taken up with Kaylee. There’d be no leaving either of them behind anymore, though Mal couldn’t see why there would be a reason to, what with the secret of Miranda out in the open and River no longer a threat to those that had been looking for her. Didn’t mean there wasn’t still a danger having them on board, but maybe they wouldn’t be searching for her anymore. 

It was no small surprise that Mal discovered River had become his closest confidant in the wake of the battle with the alliance. Something had changed between them after Mal had carried River back to _Serenity_ after the meeting with Fanty and Mingo. They understood each other, trusted each other. Mal trusted River when she directed them to Miranda; River trusted Mal to save them. 

“You don’t like it, do you?”

Mal grinned at River. “You’re gonna have to be more specific, darlin’. Not all of us can read minds.”

River didn’t smile back. “Simon and Kaylee.”

Mal frowned. “Not my place to say what’s right between Simon and Kaylee.”

River cocked her head to the side and studied Mal intently. Mal fought not to squirm under her gaze. “It’s not what you think.”

Mal sighed and shook his head. “Suppose you’re not gonna tell me what I think it is, are ya?”

River smiled as she danced off the bridge. “I think it would be best if you figured it out for yourself.”

Mal half turned and watched River skip down the stairs and down the crew corridor toward the kitchen. He shook his head and turned back to the stars.

****  
After Mal stumbled upon Kaylee and Simon in a compromising position for the fifth time in three days, he became determined to put a stop to their shenanigans. After all, there was a child on board, even if the child was nearly an adult and had managed to save them all more times than Mal wanted to think about. He caught Kaylee in the engine room after supper one night. She didn’t look up until Mal pulled the door closed behind him.

“Somethin’ wrong, Cap’n?” Kaylee asked with a bright smile.

Mal took a deep breath before he spoke. “It’s come to my attention that you and Simon seem to have a problem finding your bunk.”

To Mal’s everlasting surprise, a blush spread across Kaylee’s face. Mal couldn’t help but smile.

“Sorry, Cap’n,” Kaylee said softly and turned away to align the tools lying on a towel under the engine just so. “’s just that it’s been so long.” She turned to Mal and began to speak earnestly. “Not that we’re meanin’ to do anything where folk can see us. And not that anything’s happened, not really, not yet, but hopefully soon, and you know how long I’ve been pinin’ for Simon.”

“Yes, I know how long you’ve been pining for him,” Mal said dryly. “Don’t mean I need to catch the show every five minutes.”

Kaylee grinned. “Aw, come on now, Cap’n. It’s not every five minutes.”

Mal sighed. “’s happening often enough that I don’t want to see it anymore.”

The grin fell off Kaylee’s face. “Alright, Cap’n. Didn’t mean --”

Mal interrupted her before she could make him feel like the worst kind of critter possible. “Ain’t sayin’ to stop. Just sayin’ you ought to be more circumspect. I’ll be speakin’ to the doc, too, so don’t think I’m just pickin’ on you.”

Kaylee smiled and slugged him in the shoulder. “I know you ain’t pickin’ on me.”

Mal grimaced and rubbed his shoulder. “Good. And you know I never will.”

“Course I know,” Kaylee grinned.

Mal shook his head and left her to coddle _Serenity_ ’s engine. His next stop was the infirmary. He paused well outside the room, watching through the windows as Simon cleaned and organized the medical instruments, which was odd seeing as how they hadn’t had an injury since the last big battle with the Alliance and Reavers. Mal was still kicking himself over that foolhardy plan. But at least now they were on a slightly safer course.

“Are you going in?”

It took everything he had not to jump at River’s voice directly in his ear. “Figured I should talk to him too.”

“You should.” River sidled up to his side, her arm brushing his. “He still thinks he needs to fix me.”

Mal glanced over at her. “Doesn’t he?” River smiled and Mal was struck at the rare sight of River’s smiling mouth and shining eyes. “You should do that more often.”  
River blushed and Mal grinned.

“Were you looking for me, River?”

Mal and River turned to face Simon, staring at them suspiciously from the door of the infirmary. River smiled at Mal and turned away.

“It was me, actually, looking for you, Doc.” Mal strode forward and clapped Simon on the shoulder as he guided him back into the infirmary.

Simon stepped inside and frowned as Mal closed the door behind them. “What is this about, Captain?” 

“It’s about you and Kaylee, Doc.”

Simon frowned and stepped away from Mal, neatly placing the patient bed between him and Mal. Mal couldn’t help but smirk.

“What about me and Kaylee?” Simon asked warily.

“Just gettin’ a little tired of walking in on you and her all over each other,” Mal gave Simon a feral grin. “I know you’re not that used to livin’ in close quarters but folk generally try and be a bit more circumspect when they start a new relationship. Especially when one of those people happens to be pretty damn important to most everyone else on this boat.”  
Simon gulped and turned to straighten his instruments a moment before turning back to Mal. “I, I wasn’t aware that we were causing any problems.”

Mal grimaced. “Not a problem so much as an exhibition. Don’t need to see you ‘n Kaylee in all manner of undress. Nor does little River. Don’t much matter what Jayne thinks,” Mal said dryly. “Don’t reckon I need to know what Zoe thinks.” 

Simon flushed, whether in embarrassment or anger Mal couldn’t say. “I wasn’t aware that we were acting in an exhibitionist manner.”

Mal arched a brow. “Really?” He grinned, glanced away, looked back at Simon and took a step forward. His heart leapt a bit when Simon took a step back. “But then it ain’t been so much a show as an annoyance, Doc. Most of us on this boat love Kaylee like a little sister and don’t much matter how often you’ve patched us up, we don’t want to see you groping her.” Mal took another step toward Simon, standing so close that he could smell whatever it was that Simon had washed with that morning. “Hate to think what might happen to someone who makes Kaylee upset.”

Simon nodded. “Duly noted, Captain.”

Mal stared hard at Simon a moment before stepping back and smiling. “Good.” He clapped Simon on the shoulder again before he turned and left the infirmary. “Glad we had this little chat, Doc.”

“They don’t have sex.”

Mal fought not to jump as River appeared out of the darkness outside the infirmary. “Gotta stop sneaking up on me, Little Albatross.” He shook his head and walked past her, not at all surprised when River fell into step behind him. “And that’s not information I need to know.”

“But you don’t want them to have sex.”

“Don’t make no difference to me what they do so long as they don’t do it where anyone can walk in on them.”

River grabbed at Mal’s sleeve and turned Mal to face her. “But you don’t want them to have sex,” River repeated with a frown. 

“Now why would you say that?” Mal asked, a sinking sensation filling his belly.

River grinned. “I think you know why. But I can tell you if you like. 76.4% of the human population require someone outside their immediate family to voice the obvious aloud in order for the obvious to become obvious to them. I would be more than happy to –“

“That ain’t necessary,” Mal interrupted before River actually could say anything. “I don’t reckon I’m part of that 76%.”

River tilted her head to the side and studied him a moment. “Aren’t you?”

Mal muttered under his breath as River turned and walked away. He caught sight of Simon frowning at him from inside the infirmary before he turned and stalked up to the bridge. It wasn’t until later that night that he thought he might actually need River to state the obvious after all. 

****  
“Did you have pleasant dreams, Captain?”

Mal closed his eyes briefly before turning to smile at River, hovering in the shadows just beyond the door to Mal’s quarters. “Slept just fine, Little Albatross.”

River grinned. “That’s not what I asked.”

“Then why don’t you speak plain for once,” Mal returned sharply.

River laughed softly. “Is that what you really want?”

Mal sighed and sighed again when River threaded her arm through his and started guiding him toward the bridge.

“I told you that what was happening with Kaylee and Simon wasn’t what you thought,” River said.

“And what do I think it is?” 

River smiled. “You think that they’re in love. But they’re not.”

“I know you know what people are thinkin’ but you can’t know how folk feel.”

River nodded. “I guess that’s true. But I know Simon.”

“That you do, better ‘n anyone else, I reckon.”

“Yes, so you should know that….” River fell silent as Jayne walked up the corridor toward them.

“What’s goin’ on?” Jayne asked with a frown at the sudden silence.

“Not a gorram thing,” Mal answered with a frown at River. “You get that cargo stored properly?”

“Yeah, Mal, we’re good to go,” Jayne answered. 

Mal nodded and brushed past him. “We’ll be at Persephone in three days. You need to get to work on cleaning out that mess in the cargo bay.”

“Aw, Mal, got three days,” Jayne protested. “ No need to rush.”

“Ain’t no reason to put it off, either. Best get to work,” Mal spoke over his shoulder as he made his way to the bridge, leaving River behind, though he felt River’s eyes follow him as he walked away.

****

Mal wasn’t surprised when River popped up on the bridge later. 

“Somthin’ you need, River?” Mal grinned at her over his shoulder. “Or are you just here to bother me some more?”

River returned his grin and settled into the co-pilot’s seat. “According to you, I’m nothing but trouble.”

“Well, that may have been true a few months prior, but you’re not so much trouble anymore.”

River bowed her head briefly. “Thanks to you.”

“More thanks to you than anything else.”

“What is this, a mutual admiration society?”

Mal glanced over his shoulder. “Doctor. What do you need?”

Simon arched a brow at the hostile tone. “Nothing in particular. I was looking for River.”

“I’m right here, Simon,” River said softly, never taking her eyes away from the stars.

“Yes, I can see that,” Simon said with a smile.

Mal turned and stared at Simon. “Anything else, Doc?”

Simon crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Mal. “No. But do I need a reason to go anywhere on this ship?”

“Not usually,” Mal returned. “But then you usually have a reason for everything you do.”

Simon stared a moment before glancing away. “Yes, I guess so.” He glanced at River before turning back to Mal. “I guess I’ll go… I’ll just go then.”

“You do that, Doc.”

Simon stared a beat longer before turning away. Mal watched him walk away before turning back to the windows.

“You shouldn’t antagonize him like that,” River said.

“Don’t see what’s so surprising about me antagonizin’ him.”

“You’ll never get what you want if you treat him badly.”

Mal turned to River. “What is it you think I want?”

River smiled at Mal and stood up. “I thought you didn’t want me to tell you.”

Mal opened his mouth before closing it again with a snap. “I reckon I don’t need you tellin’ me anything at all.”

River touched his shoulder on the way off the bridge. Mal closed his eyes and tried not to think about what the touch might mean.

****

“It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

Mal shook his head and shot River a smile over his shoulder. “Now, see, you keep sayin’ that and it keeps not makin’ sense.”

River giggled. “If I started making sense it would scare everyone.”

“I reckon that to be true,” Mal said as River settled into the co-pilot’s seat. “What brings you up here today, River?”

River shrugged and wrapped her arms around her knees pulled tight to her chest and turned her attention to the stars outside. “Do you know how many stars there are?”

“I don’t reckon anyone knows how many stars there are.”

River sighed. “I could count them.”

Mal grinned at her. “I reckon you could at that.”

“Will you let me fly your ship again?”

“You’d have to promise not to go flying too close to any stars so’s you could count ‘em.”

“I can’t make any promises,” River returned with a sly grin.

“Ain’t nobody can make promises. Too often break people’s hearts by makin’ promises.”

“Like you did?” River asked softly.

Mal shot her a look before turning his attention back to the view. “Don’t get in the habit of makin’ promises, River. Ain’t no call for ‘em.” He stood suddenly and walked away from the pilot’s chair. “Reckon you can steer clear of the stars?” Mal didn’t wait for an answer. 

He cast a baleful glare at Simon as he passed him on the way down the corridor and resolutely ignored the muffled voices of Simon and River that reached him before he passed through the kitchen and down into the cargo bay where Zoe was lying in wait for him. And as much as he would have liked, he couldn’t ignore Zoe.

“Everything alright, Captain?”

Mal swallowed a groan. “Any reason you think things aren’t?”

Zoe shrugged. “Just seem to be a bit short tempered. More so than usual,” she finished dryly.

Mal forced a cheery grin. “Short tempered? Now that is somethin’.” He turned away, but Zoe followed him.

“Yes, sir, short tempered.” She paused. “Has Kaylee done something wrong?”

Mal stopped short and turned to Zoe. “Kaylee?”

“Yes, sir, Kaylee.”

“What about Kaylee?”

There were few times that Mal had seen Zoe truly frustrated, usually because of something Wash had done or because Jayne had done something particularly stupid. This was the first time Mal was afraid that she would actually hit him because he was being dense.

“Sir,” she paused and stared hard at him for a moment. “Mal, is there something going on you need to tell me about?”

Mal frowned. “Not that I’m aware of. There maybe something you need to tell me?”

Zoe was silent for several seconds. “I think there is. But I also think this ain’t the right place for this discussion. Will you come with me?”

Mal followed Zoe down to her quarters, what used to be his quarters before she and Wash married. It looked as if Zoe hadn’t made any changes since Wash was killed. He caught sight of the sleeve of a brightly colored shirt shoved beneath a pillow before Zoe claimed his attention.

“Sir, you know I can tolerate a lot of foolishness, but since the battle with the Reavers you’ve been acting less like yourself and more like someone I don’t recognize.”

Mal crossed his arms over his chest. “What does that have to do with Kaylee?”

“That’s what I’d like to know, sir,” Zoe said softly. After a few minutes she continued. “What has you so tied up in knots about Simon and Kaylee?”

“Ain’t got no problem with Simon and Kaylee,” Mal said, cursing the tightness in his voice which he knew Zoe heard. “They’re both adults. They can do what they like.” Mal turned to climb out of her bunk but paused at the base of the ladder when she spoke again.

“Is it Kaylee that has you so worked up?” She paused and he turned to face her. “Or is it Simon?”

Mal forced a smile. “Ain’t worked up about anything, Zoe.”

“Sir, your personal life is none of my business. But when it spills over into the running of this ship it puts us all in danger.”

“There’s no danger here, Zoe,” Mal said softly. “I ain’t doin’ nothin’ to put this ship in danger.”

“Except that our engineer is walking on eggshells around you and our doctor is worried you’re molesting his sister. Neither of which is conducive to a well-run ship.”

Mal couldn’t help but grin. “Trust me, I ain’t molestin’ River and I don’t plan to. Told the doc as much, too.”

Zoe nodded. “I know that. Everyone except Simon knows that. So what is the problem?”

“Ain’t no problem. Just told you that.”

“Sir,” Zoe sighed.

“Ain’t no problem, Zoe. Best to let it go,” Mal interrupted before Zoe could continue. He didn’t wait for a reply, but he could feel Zoe watching him as he climbed the ladder. And of course he ran right into Simon as soon as he stepped into the corridor.

“Excuse me, Captain,” Simon said quickly as he sidled past Mal.

Mal turned to watch him walk away. His walk had nearly as much slink to it as Inara’s when she was set to wooing a client. He turned to the bridge, ignored Zoe’s knowing gaze as she climbed out of her quarters and kicked River out of the co-pilot’s chair and off the bridge before she could say anything to further upset his day. He closed both doors as soon as she was gone and settled in for the first peaceful hours he’d had all day. And determinedly didn’t think about Simon’s walk.

*****

“Can I talk to you for a minute, Cap’n?”

Mal swallowed a sigh at Kaylee’s hesitant question and turned to face her with a smile. “Course, little Kaylee. Always got time for you.”

Kaylee smiled, but her eyes didn’t light up like they usually did when she smiled. “Could we…” she gestured absently toward the engine room.

Mal nodded and followed as she led the way, taking a deep breath and hoping this talk wouldn’t be about what he was afraid it was going to be about.

Kaylee waited until Mal was inside the engine room and the door closed behind him before she began. “Have I done something wrong, Cap’n?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Mal answered with a forced smile. “You done somethin’ wrong I should know about?”

Kaylee gave him a hesitant smile. “That’s not exactly what I’m talkin’ about.” Kaylee took a deep breath. “I know you haven’t been happy about me ‘n Simon and I’m not sure why, exactly,” Kaylee said hesitantly, “but we’ve been careful not to do anything where someone could stumble upon us. Haven’t really done anything,” she continued absently. “Nothin’ near what I want to do, at any rate.” She shook herself and focused on Mal again. “But you know I’d never do anythin’ to hurt _Serenity_ , don’t you, Cap’n?”

Mal stepped forward and cupped Kaylee’s shoulder, squeezing gently before pulling her close in a loose hug. “Course I know that, Kaylee.” He stepped back and nudged her chin with a knuckle. “I know you’d never do anythin’ to hurt our ship.”

“And the crew,” Kaylee added earnestly.

Mal gave a half laugh. “And the crew.”

“Then why’ve you been so short with me?”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re sayin’,” Mal answered after a beat.

Kaylee sighed and looked exasperated before the anxious expression returned to her face. “You’ve been avoidin’ me and when you’re not avoidin’ me you’re short with me. And it’s not just me. Zoe’s come along behind you more ‘n once to sooth Jayne’s ruffled feathers before he can pull a gun on you.” Kaylee ran a gentle hand along the sheet metal covering _Serenity_ ’s heart. “I can’t begin to understand what it’s like bein’ captain of _Serenity_ and havin’ to make all the hard decisions you do, but I thought we was family. I thought maybe things would get better, after things got cleared up with River and the Alliance and the Reavers ‘n all. I mean, Simon and River stayed. But then Inara left again… and Wash,” she bit her lip and looked away.

Mal had heard enough and brushed past Kaylee to the door.

“Cap’n?”

Mal closed his eyes at the pain and confusion evident in Kaylee’s tone. “Ain’t nothin’ you’ve done, Little Kaylee.” He didn’t turn to look at her as he left the engine room. Jayne stepped quickly out of his way as he walked through the kitchen and Zoe stared solemnly at him as he made his way to his bunk. He needed to suss out the problem the crew seemed to sense in him. And he needed to do it quickly before Jayne decided to confront him too.

*****

Mal skipped dinner that night, preferring to remain in his bunk in an attempt to figure out what it was that was upsetting him and disturbing his crew so. He could remember a time when things ran smoothly, when there wasn’t a life or death problem with any of their jobs or tension amongst the crew. But then River and Simon and Shepherd had joined their crew. He knew, even before he admitted it to himself, where the problem came from. Shepherd, despite his teachings, had been a valued advisor, before and after he settled at Haven. River, while outwardly the source of all their troubles, had become a valuable member of their crew, a better pilot than Mal could ever try to be and a dedicated friend to Kaylee and, more recently, to Mal. River’s cryptic insights may have given Mal a headache on more than one occasion, but she did force Mal to consider his actions and feelings, though most of the time he wished she wouldn’t.

Then there was Simon.

Simon Tam had never been anything but a thorn in Mal’s side. From the moment he stepped foot on Mal’s boat he had caused trouble. He brought his sister onboard, which rained down one disaster after another on Mal’s head. Then when he thought they were gone they were back again, bringing misery and heartache in their wake. Mal should have been done with them. He should have kicked them off his boat before they ever left Persephone. One look at Simon and Mal knew he was nothing but trouble. But he let them stay. Let them stay and took care of them despite his every instinct crying out to him to be done with them. He understood River; most of the time anyway. But what was it about Simon?

He was a talented doctor, saved his life and the lives of his crew more times than Mal liked to think about. He truly loved his sister in a way that Mal couldn’t understand. Simon gave up everything for River and never blamed her for his change in circumstances. Simon was honorable and honest, talented and intelligent, and growing braver with each passing day. He was incredibly handsome and that thought gave Mal pause. Why would he care that Simon was handsome? 

The more Mal considered it the more uncertain Mal felt. He could see Simon before him: the somber expression occasionally stretched into a smile as he cared for his sister, the concern he showed for all of the crew; the strong, certain hands and suddenly Mal felt those hands on him. Not nursing him through some illness or soothing some injury, but simply touching Mal. It was a natural leap to imagine Mal touching Simon in turn. 

Mal didn’t know how much time had passed before he realized he was aroused. His thoughts immediately turned to Nandi and her question about whether he was sly. He had never thought about another man in a sexual way before. Having grown up on a ranch he knew that some men felt no shame in taking comfort where they could. And he couldn’t count the number of times he’d walk in on men and women and any other combination during the war. He could care less where folk took their comfort and prided himself on never judging those who had one preference or another. But he had never given thought to being with a man himself.

And now he couldn’t think of anything but being with Simon. And it certainly explained why he was having such difficulty getting his head wrapped around Kaylee and Simon being together. Now he just had to get past this and let Simon and Kaylee be happy.

******

Course, as with all things in Mal’s life, it wasn’t easy at all. He managed to avoid Simon and Kaylee, though the looks he was getting from Zoe convinced him he wasn’t fooling anyone. Except maybe Jayne. But before too long even Jayne was giving him sidelong glances.

“Everything alright, cap’n?”

Mal closed his eyes briefly before turning to Jayne. “There a reason you think something’s wrong?”

Jayne shifted uncomfortably, glancing in Zoe’s direction before addressing Mal again. “No. Just seem a little tense is all.”

“Got a job to do, is all. Best be focusing on that more than any perceived distraction on my part.” Mal moved away but didn’t miss the glance between Zoe and Jayne. He waited as River came up to him. “You ready to go, Little Albatross?” 

“Always,” River answered with a grin. 

Mal huffed a brief laugh. “Good to know. At least one person in this little party is prepared.”

“Hey,” Jayne shouted. 

River giggle and Mal threw her a wink as he held out a hand to help her climb into the mule. River giggled again as she took his hand. Mal artfully ignored Jayne’s and Zoe’s questioning gazes as he climbed into the driver’s seat. As had become his habit, Simon paused beside River and cautioned her to be careful. Mal threw him a glare, which was ignored, and gunned the mule, narrowly missing knocking Simon on his ass. There were more important things to concentrate on than Simon’s bruised ego. 

For once, everything went as planned on this heist. The info Badger had given him was correct, for once. They were in and out, River doing her job and Zoe keeping an eye on her while Jayne and Mal did the heavy lifting. It was almost enough to make Mal relax. No one stopped them from taking off and they even made a good start toward Beumonde without mishap. Course then he just had to put up with his crew for the next five days.

*****

“I’d like to talk to you about your relationship with my sister.”

Mal sighed and closed his eyes briefly before turning to face Simon. “What’s on your mind, Doc?”

Simon frowned briefly before the anger returned to his expression. “I’d like to know what you intend with her.”

Mal couldn’t help but grin. “You askin’ what my intentions are, Doc?”

A blush spread across Simon’s cheeks. “Obviously.” Simon cleared his throat before he continued. “I know you don’t intend anything… untoward, with River, but I would remind you that River is still just a child.”

Mal cocked his head to the side and felt his grin grow. “I think you know better than that, Doc. River might be young but there’s nothing childish about her. And I ain’t talkin’ about her physical form.”

“And I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t mention my sister’s…” Simon paused and Mal saw his mouth working to form the words. “Physical form,” he finally managed to spit out.

“You don’t have to worry that I’m inspecting your sister’s physical form. River ‘n I are just friendly like. Not like I have any other intentions toward your sister.” Mal stepped past Simon but stopped when he spoke again.

“Then what are you doing with her?”

“Like I said, Doc. Your sister and I are just friendly.” He turned to Simon again. “Ain’t nothin’ more going on between us.” 

Simon made a brief frustrated motion with his hands. “River is an impressionable girl. She’s never been exposed to --”

“Ain’t exposin’ her to anything, Doc. And this conversation is becoming tedious.” Mal tried to brush past Simon again but Simon grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face him. “And now you’re steppin’ into dangerous territory,” Mal warned softly.

“I want you to stay away from my sister,” Simon’s words were confident but his voice shook just enough to be noticed.

“That ain’t so easy on a boat this size,” Mal spoke softly, taking half a step closer to Simon.

“Then maybe we should leave this boat,” Simon replied.

“Again?” Mal smirked. “As I recall you tried to leave a couple months ago and wound up back where you started.”

Simon swallowed heavily. “Through no fault of our own.”

“You reckon there’s someplace else that would be safer for you and your sister?”

“I don’t know,” Simon whispered.

“Then maybe you ought to set aside this foolish notion of moving along. Best if you just stay here, don’t you think?”

Simon nodded silently.

“Glad we agree, Doctor.” Mal said softly and finally brushed past him. 

****

Mal wanted things calm and safe on his ship again. He wanted people to stop glancing at him sideways and walking on tiptoe around him. By his reckoning, Simon Tam was the cause of all his troubles and so the only rational solution was to avoid Simon Tam. Course, as with everything in Mal’s life, it didn’t go as smoothly as Mal had hoped it would. The crew kept on giving him sidelong looks, except for River who found the whole mess hilarious. And Kaylee looked as if she were about to burst into tears whenever she saw Mal. And Simon, being the shiny knight that he was, cornered Mal again outside the infirmary one day to settle things and make Kaylee happy.

“I’d like to talk to you, Captain.”

Mal shook his head and tried to step around him. “Ain’t got time, Doc.”

Simon frowned and stepped into Mal’s path. “I think you should make the time, Captain.” 

Mal paused and faced Simon directly. “Go on then, Doc.”

Simon took a deep breath. “I know you’ve grown fond of River. And she has grown fond of you as well. But she can be… difficult. To say the least. I just --” Simon paused. Mal crossed his arms over his chest. “I just want to be certain that River hasn’t done anything to upset you.”

Mal clenched his hands into fists. “Ain’t got nothin’ to do with your sister, Doc. Don’t know why I gotta keep explain’ this to you.”

“Then it’s Kaylee. You’ve been distant toward her for weeks now,” Simon persisted.

“Kaylee’s a peach,” Mal answered.

“Then what is it?” Simon asked angrily. “I can’t imagine what I could have possibly done lately that would have you any more angry with me than you have been in the past.”

“Ain’t got nothin’ to do with anything you’ve done,” Mal protested and tried to move past Simon, but Simon stepped forward, blocking Mal’s escape.

“Then what is it?” Simon asked again. “What has made you so…” Simon struggled to find the right words.

“What?” Mal asked, leaning toward Simon. “What have I been?”

Simon glared. “You know what you’ve been,” he answered shortly.

Mal pressed closer to Simon. “What about you?”

Simon pressed a hand to Mal’s arm, not quite pushing him away. “I haven’t done anything.”

“Haven’t you?” Mal whispered and stepped away before Simon could gather his wits. 

Unfortunately Simon followed him. And then, to Mal’s everlasting surprise, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into Shepherd’s old room.

“What have I done?” Simon asked softly, urgently.

And Mal couldn’t help himself as he pressed Simon against the wall, pressing into him until they were touching shoulder to knee.

“Ain’t nothin’ you’ve done, Doctor. It’s you.”

Mal watched hypnotically as Simon’s eyes widened and couldn’t help the shiver that passed through him when Simon’s hands rested hesitantly on his arms. Mal tried to step back but Simon’s arms tightened and held him with surprising strength.

“Best you let go, Doc. Ain’t nothin’ good gonna come from this.”

“What you’re saying,” Simon began but paused and pursed his lips together. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Ain’t that difficult to comprehend, Simon.” Mal closed his eyes at Simon’s gasp and only then realized that he had whispered Simon’s name. 

“Mal,” Simon whispered.

Mal grabbed at Simon’s hands and pulled them off him, holding his wrists tight for a moment before releasing him and stepping back. “Aint’ nothin’ good gonna come from this,” he repeated and took another step back. “Best just to let it go.”

Mal turned away and slid the door open, pausing only a moment to catch River’s eyes before he walked away.

****

“You talked to Simon.”

Mal had gotten so used to River sneaking up on him that he didn’t jump anymore when she spoke softly from just behind him.

“Guess you could say that.” Mal shot a smile at River over his shoulder. She grinned and leaned against the console behind him. “Anything else bring you up here today?”

River shrugged one shoulder and fixed Mal with a serious expression. “I love my brother.”

Mal nodded. “I know that.”

“I want him to be happy.”

“Alright then.”

River sighed. “But he’s not. I know he’s not.”

Mal frowned. “Not sure what this has to do with me, Little Albatross.”

“Yes, you do,” River returned softly. 

Mal turned and reached for her hand. “River, I appreciate what you’re trying to do for your brother --”

“Not just Simon,” River interrupted, gripping Mal’s hand hard. “Kaylee isn’t happy either.” She paused and cocked her head to the side. “Neither are you.”

“Don’t much matter whether I’m happy or not.”

“It matters to me. And to the others.”

Mal studied her as intently as she studied him for a moment. “Not sure what you expect to happen, River.”

“Talk to Simon.”

“Already did that,” Mal answered with a short laugh.

“Talk to him again,” River persisted.

Mal released her hand and turned back to the windows. There was no reason he needed to be sitting in the pilot’s seat; there was nothing but empty space between Persephone and New Albany but it was easier to stare out at it than to face River and her too-perceptive eyes. “Got no reason to speak to your brother.”

“What about Kaylee?”

“Ain’t got a reason to speak to Kaylee either,” Mal returned.

“That’s not what I meant,” River said, exasperated. 

“Then maybe you ought to stop being so cryptic and say what you mean.”

“Don’t you want Kaylee to be happy?”

Mal turned the chair quickly. “Why isn’t Kaylee happy?”

River reached out and took Mal’s hand. “Because Simon isn’t happy. Remember when I told you that it wasn’t what you thought?”

Mal nodded silently. 

“Didn’t you wonder what I meant?”

“She meant that they’ve been pining for each other for so long that they never stopped to realize that they really didn’t want each other once they got each other.”

Mal started as Zoe’s voice rang through the bridge. “How long you been standing there?”

Zoe smiled and stepped out of the corridor and onto the bridge. “Long enough. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Sir?”

Mal sighed. “Already have one cryptic female on this boat. You’re gonna have to be more specific, Zoe.”

“Sir, you ain’t been right since River and Simon came on board. Wasn’t much of a problem till the battle with the Alliance and Kaylee and Simon finally got past their reticence.”

“There a point to all this?” Mal asked tiredly.

River and Zoe exchanged a look that had Mal quaking inwardly. 

“Think maybe it’s time we stopped off to visit Inara,” Zoe said at last.

“What?” Mal asked stupidly.

“Might be best you don’t think on it too hard, Sir.”

River had the nerve to giggle at that and Mal glared at her briefly.

“Don’t suppose I get a say in where my ship goes?”

“Not this time,” Zoe said lightly. “Now why don’t you give River the helm and go down and visit with Kaylee a while in the engine room.”

“You really kicking me off my own bridge?” Mal asked just before Zoe reached out and tugged him out of the chair, spinning him around and pushing him toward the door.   
“Yes, sir, I am. Go make peace with Kaylee and we’ll let you know when we’re close to Inara’s.”

Mal sighed, stood in the doorway a moment before walking down the corridor. “Kaylee?” Mal called as he approached the engine room which appeared empty. “Kaylee? Where’d you get to?”

“I’m here, cap’n.”

Mal turned toward the timid voice and finally found Kaylee hunkered down under the engine, arms wrapped tight around her legs, her face hidden in her knees. Her hands were covered in engine grease and there were tools lying nearby, but for the first time Mal could remember, she didn’t seem content to be fixing something up. He settled cross legged beside her and waited for her to look up.

“Something you want to tell me, Kaylee?”

Kaylee sighed. “Me ‘n Simon broke up.”

Mal couldn’t help the frown that crossed his face anymore than he could stop the spark of hope leaping in his chest. “Did he say why?”

Kaylee shook her head. “But I knew it was comin’. We both did.”

She rested her forehead on her knees again. Mal slid close and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“I thought it’d be wonderful, all magic-like and sparkly. I longed for him for so long.” She sighed again. “But then when we were together finally it didn’t feel right.”

“Kaylee, darlin’, I’m tryin’ to be supportive but I don’t want to hear the details.”

Kaylee, much to Mal’s delight, released a soft giggle.

She sat up with a sigh and leaned her head on Mal’s shoulder. “Thought it would be different. But we never… clicked.”

“Seemed to me you clicked just fine, many times as I walked in on you.”

Kaylee shook her head. “That’s not what I mean. I mean….” she paused and shook her head. “I don’t know what I mean.”

“He didn’t break your heart, did he?”

“No,” she grinned up at Mal. “Well, yes, but not in the way you think. Just carried a torch for him for too long.”

Mal sighed and squeezed Kaylee’s shoulder before standing up and pulling her to her feet. “Well, you might be happy to know that we’ll be stopping by Inara’s in a couple a days.” 

To Mal’s relief Kaylee perked up a bit. “Reckon you can catch up and do whatever it is that you girls do when you’re together.”

Kaylee laughed shortly and swept her fingers across her eyes. “Thank you, Cap’n.”

“Don’t thank me,” Mal retorted with a smile. “Zoe and River cooked up this little scheme. Reckon they knew you needed a gal pal to get over this little bump.”  
Kaylee nodded. “Well, I’ll be sure and thank them too.”

Mal squeezed Kaylee’s arm and took a step back. “You do that. And you know that whatever you need, if I can, I’ll do it for you.”

Mal cringed as tears gathered in Kaylee’s eyes and she darted forward to wrap her arms around Mal’s waist. “You’re a good man, Cap’n.”

Mal smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Kaylee’s head. “No I’m not. You know better than that.”

Kaylee laughed and stepped back. Mal brushed the tears from her cheeks and turned away. As he walked down the stairs toward the med bay he felt the subtle shift of the ship and knew that Zoe or River, more likely, had altered course to head toward Inara’s. This would be good for Kaylee. Good for the whole crew. Everyone could use a break. Inara’s absence from _Serenity_ was felt as keenly as Book’s or Wash’s. So many people had become an integral part of the crew in so short a time and their absence weighed on everyone.

Mal paused at the bottom of the stairwell and closed his eyes. He had longed for Inara nearly as keenly as Kaylee had longed for Simon. But Inara had left, more than willingly left, _Serenity_. Mal had tried to drive Simon away as surely as he had driven Inara away. As surely as he had driven Book away. But Simon returned. _Serenity_ had been the safest place for River and Simon. But now they could go anywhere they wanted, now the Parliament had decided River had caused all of the damage that she could have. And now River was as much a part of the crew as Kaylee or Zoe. Mal didn’t want to consider what _Serenity_ would be like without her. 

He didn’t want to think about Simon at all.

“Captain?”

Mal opened his eyes and forced a smile. “Somethin’ you need, Doc?”

Simon took a step closer to Mal. “I should probably tell you that,” he paused and looked away. He faced Mal again. “I broke up with Kaylee.”

Mal arched a brow. “That so?”

Simon nodded. “Yes,” he answered softly.

“You break her heart?”

“I don’t know.”

Mal studied Simon intently. “Why’d you decide to break up with her?”

Simon flushed. “I just--”

“Thought you two were deeply in love with each other. Leastwise that’s how it seemed every time I happened to walk in on you.”

Simon glared at him. “I thought so too. But it wasn’t love. Not… not the way we wanted.”

“Glad you explained that to me, Doc.” Mal slapped him on the shoulder and stepped around him. But Simon grabbed his sleeve before he could get away. “You’re developing a bad habit there, Doc. Best you let go of me.”

“We should talk, Mal.”

“Got nothing to say to you, Simon.”

“Perhaps I have something to say to you.” 

Simon’s voice was confident and low and Mal suppressed the shiver that wanted to travel up his spine. “Ain’t got time right now,” Mal protested, though he was aware that his will was weakening in the face of Simon’s resolve.

“I think you have plenty of time, Mal.”

Mal sighed and shook his head. “It’ll have to wait, Simon. Ain’t got time for your foolishness right now.” He shrugged Simon’s hand off his arm and walked away, though he felt Simon’s eyes on his back until he passed through the doorway into the cargo bay. He passed by Jayne working out on the weight bench and climbed the stairs and made his way to Inara’s old shuttle. There was nothing left of her in it, she had made sure of that when they had left her with her girls so many weeks ago. There was nothing left of Inara in Mal’s life, save for the notion of having a safe place to rest, someplace that Zoe and Kaylee and River could go to be coddled and pampered the way they deserved and the only way Inara knew how. They’d rest a spell with Inara and her girls. And, providing he could keep Jayne on a sturdy leash and keep him from molesting Inara’s girls, they could all rest a spell.

****

“Kaylee tells me that she and Simon have ended their relationship.”

Mal smiled as he turned to Inara. “So it seems.”

She arched a brow at him but returned his smile. “She doesn’t seem as heartbroken as I thought she would be.”

“That she don’t.”

Inara studied Mal intently for a moment. “You seem quite satisfied that they’ve broken up.”

“Really?” Mal turned and leaned on the balcony railing, not precisely avoiding Inara’s eyes but certainly not looking her in the face. “Don’t know why you’d think that.”

“I know you’ve never liked Simon,” Inara spoke softly, as if she were beguiling a client. “But I also know that you’d never want Kaylee to be unhappy.”

Mal turned to her sharply. “You know I’d sooner cut off my own arm than ever make Kaylee unhappy.”

Inara smiled. “I know that. “

“Then why would you say something like that?”

Inara smiled and stared at him, exasperated. “I said that you’d never want Kaylee to be unhappy. But I also know that you’d never be…” she struggled for a few minutes to find the right words, “as satisfied as you are if Kaylee were the least bit unhappy.”

“You said yourself that she wasn’t unhappy about being dumped by Simon.”

“I said that she’s not as heartbroken as I thought she would be.” Inara sighed and turned to stare out over the scenery. Mal stared at her for a moment before turning to admire the view as well. “It won’t take her long to recover her good cheer. She might even be happier now that she knows she and Simon aren’t compatible.”

They were silent for several minutes before Mal spoke again. “Don’t understand why you feel the need to discuss all this with me.”

Inara smiled. “Perhaps because I couldn’t help but notice you’re happier than you’ve been in a long time. You were certainly not this happy when I lived on _Serenity_.”

Mal released a brief laugh. “No, reckon I wasn’t.”

Inara wrapped an elegant hand around Mal’s wrist. “I longed for you nearly as much as Kaylee longed for Simon.” She smiled as Mal wrapped his hand around Inara’s. “But even if I hadn’t had to abide by Companion rules, it never would have worked between us.”

Mal smiled. “I don’t know about that. Nandi and I certainly got along well.”

Inara laughed softly. “Nandi was… special.”

“That she was.” Mal squeezed her hand and let go. Inara lifted her hand from his arm. “Near as special as you are.”

Inara grinned. “You flatter me.”

“And you’re using wiles on me,” Mal returned teasingly.

“I suppose I am,” she returned just as teasingly before the smile fell from her face. “But I want to speak with you seriously, Mal.”

Mal sighed, resigned to having this conversation whether he wanted to or not. “Go on, then.”

“Mal,” Inara paused and turned to the view again. “I’ve never known you to engage in any personal relationship. Nandi was a professional and hardly counts, no matter how we felt about her.”

“I’m sure there’s a point to all this,” Mal remarked dryly.

Inara sighed and glared briefly in Mal’s direction. “There is a point and I’m getting to it.” She paused and Mal waited patiently for her to begin again. “I never cared that you were never with anyone else.” She smiled and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “I was glad, actually, that you were so circumspect while I lived on _Serenity_.”

“Save for Nandi, your dear friend.”

Inara released a soft laugh. “Yes. Though I meant what I said. I’m glad you were together before she was killed.”

Mal reached across and rested one hand atop Inara’s. She smiled at the gesture and accepted it for what it was, a simple expression of comfort.

“You’re a very private man, Malcolm Reynolds. And I respect that, even if it did drive me crazy at times. You know that I’d never pry into your private life, nor would any of your crew.”

“Then what are you doing, exactly?” Mal asked dryly.

Inara smiled. “I’m trying to help a friend. If you’ll accept help from one.”

Mal returned her smile. “Always happy to have a friend preach at me.”

“I’m not preaching, not exactly,” Inara laughed softly. “But I want you to be happy. We all do. It’s what we’ve always wanted.”

“Funny,” Mal interjected calmly. “Never took Jayne, nor any of you when it comes down to it, as one who’s taken an interest in my happiness.”

“That’s because you’ve never looked earnestly enough,” Inara answered calmly.

Mal looked away.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. What you’ve done…” Inara paused when Mal tensed, but he relaxed almost immediately. “Your experiences have made you cautious. It hasn’t made you weak. And learning to care for others doesn’t make you weak either.”

“Ain’t no reason to open yourself to others.”

Inara smiled sadly. “And that’s why I left. We both know it wasn’t because of my vocation. You were afraid of appearing weak, of coming to rely on anyone more than yourself.” She laid a hand on his arm and he turned to her. “You can find strength in learning to lean on others, Mal.”

Mal smiled and shook his head. “Startin’ to sound a bit like Preacher, Inara.”

“If you’re trying to insult me you’re going about it the wrong way.”

They both laughed briefly.

“Life’s taught me not to rely on anyone but myself. Folk just leave you when you need ‘em most.”

“Like Book?” Inara asked tartly. “Like me? Mal, you drove us away. And if you’re not careful you’ll drive Kaylee away. And Simon.”

Mal released a bitter laugh. “You think I care if Doc leaves or not?”

“More than you’re willing to admit to yourself.” Inara took a deep breath. “I’m a companion, Mal. I’m trained to observe as much as I’m trained to serve. I’ve observed you and Simon since he came on board.”

“Can’t imagine what you think you saw.”

Inara grinned. “More than you’d like, I’m sure. There’s no shame in feeling the way you do about Simon.”

“Don’t feel anything in particular for Simon save for a bit of irritation now and then.”

“Stop lying,” Inara replied with no small amount of irritation. “You’ve earned the right to grab some happiness for yourself. You’re not a bitter old man yet, though it won’t be long before you are.” She leaned close to him. “I care for you too much to allow you to do this to yourself. I’ll talk with Kaylee, I’ll help her understand.”

Mal stared down at his hands, gripping the banister tightly. “Don’t know why --”

“Mal,” Inara whispered. “Mal, don’t push everyone away. Take something for yourself for once.”

Mal took a deep breath. “Never saw a reason to seize anything for myself.”

“Mal,” Inara tried to interrupt, but Mal continued before she could say anything else.

“Any time I ever try and get somethin’ for myself I end up hurtin’ those I care for.” He stood up straight and forced a smile and false cheerfulness into his voice. “Don’t see a need in setting myself up for getting hurt either.”

Inara glared at him, though he could tell it was half hearted and only an attempt to hide the pain in her own eyes. “Mal, not everyone you care about leaves you,” she finished tartly. 

“They don’t always stay, either,” Mal answered softly. He grinned and gave Inara a brief hug. “Stop using your wiles on me, woman, and let me be.” He pushed her back and gripped her shoulders tight for a minute before releasing her and stepping back. “You best go see to Kaylee. You know she’s been missin’ you like crazy since you left. And don’t go worryin’ about things that don’t need worryin’ about.”

Inara shook her head. “You’ll never change, will you?”

“Don’t need to go messin’ with perfection,” Mal replied with a cocky grin. 

Inara couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ll go see to Kaylee. I’ve missed her as well.”

“You could always come back. Ain’t found no one to rent your shuttle to.”

She shook her head, as Mal knew she would. “It would never work. It barely worked when I was there.” Inara patted his arm as she walked back inside. “And I’m quite satisfied being a refuge for you when you need to take your ease.”

Mal followed her inside and tried not to look around too much at the young girls learning their trade. “Reckon we shouldn’t take our ease here too often. ‘fraid Jayne might cause an incident were we to stay here too long.”

Inara released a soft laugh. “Jayne makes a more than appropriate teaching aid. I intend to use him as an example of how to handle problem clients.”

“Reckon he’ll also be a suitable example of clients to avoid.”

Inara gave him a regal nod. “That too.” She laid a hand on his arm again. “Please take your ease in our baths, while you’re here.”

“You’re not intendin’ to use me as a teaching tool, are you?” Mal asked, skeptic of Inara’s motives.

“Of course, I am,” she replied with a soft smile. “The girls need to learn how to handle a stubborn client as well.” She laughed at his resigned expression. “Don’t worry. I’ve asked Zoe and Simon to lend their time to the curriculum as well.”

“And River?” 

Inara smiled. “River and Kaylee and I have an appointment with the coiffeur this afternoon. Zoe declined the invitation, before you ask.”

Mal smiled and gave her a shallow bow. “Then I’ll leave you girls to your primpin’ and go see to my own.”

“Try not to scare the trainees.”

“Can’t make any promises,” Mal called over his shoulder.

****

He should have known that Inara had been up to something. Seemed all the women in his life, save Kaylee, were conspiring against him and he wasn’t entirely certain that Kaylee wouldn’t soon be joining forces with the others. When Mal entered the bath house, the first thing he laid eyes on was Simon, being fussed over by two lovely young ladies.

“No, thank you, I can take my own shirt off,” Simon grabbed at the hands groping at his shirt, but he was outnumbered and while one enterprising young woman allowed herself to be held off the other set to work on his shirt again. Mal stood silent, fighting a grin at Simon juggling grasping hands.

“But, Simon, Miss Inara instructed us to assist you.”

Simon smiled at the pretty little blonde he was currently holding hands with and twisted her in the way of the little brunette who was trying to get his shirt off him. “Yes, I know she did, but I am perfectly capable of removing my own clothes.”

“But it is a companion’s duty to care for her client in every way,” the pretty brunette remarked.

“Yes, but it is also a companion’s duty to make her client feel comfortable, and I am not comfortable being bathed by strange women,” Simon answered, still smiling, though Mal could see he was becoming frustrated with the whole situation.

The little blonde trainee frowned. “But Miss Inara ordered us to --”

Mal stepped forward and grabbed at the blonde’s hands. “I’m sure Miss Inara ordered you to see to the comfort of her guests. I reckon she didn’t mean that you should force yourself on folk until they feel uncomfortable.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her toward the door. “Now, why don’t you and your friend go and report to Miss Inara and tell her you tried your best, but that the uncivilized men folk you were supposed to train with wouldn’t let you.” He glanced over his shoulder at the brunette, satisfied to see that she had followed them to the door of the bathhouse. “Go on, now. Ain’t nobody here need any help takin’ their clothes off.”

“But, sir,” the blonde began only to be interrupted by Mal.

“I know, you’re here for trainin’, but we don’t take to bein’ trained on too well.” Mal pushed her out the door, then turned to grab the brunette and pushed her gently out the door as well. He closed the door and turned to Simon. 

Simon stared at him a moment before nodding and smiling at him. “Thank you. They wouldn’t take my word that I didn’t require assistance.”

Mal shrugged and walked toward the doors at the far end of the room. “No need to thank me. Didn’t want them to turn on me next.” He opened one door and peeked inside, nodding at the empty room filled with steam. “You’re too polite for your own good.” He turned and walked to the other door, perking up slightly at the sight of the large pool on the other side. “Ain’t always a need to be as polite as you are.”

Simon chuckled softly. “I had this conversation with Kaylee once.”

“Did you now?” Mal asked glancing at Simon over his shoulder as he opened the last door, frowning at what he saw on the other side.

“I tried to explain to her that....” Simon paused and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

Mal turned to Simon. “Maybe it does matter.”

Simon huffed a short laugh. “Maybe.” He shook his head and sat down abruptly on a bench against the wall.

“You want to try and explain what happened between you and Kaylee,” Mal said as he sat on the bench beside Simon.

Simon shrugged. “Do I really need to explain?”

“Be nice if I knew the whole story.”

“I thought Kaylee had already explained everything to you,” Simon remarked.

“I like to hear both sides of the story before I make up my mind.”

Simon looked at Mal for several minutes before he answered. “Are you sure you haven’t already made up your mind that it was all my fault?”

Mal smirked at him. “I ain’t never hesitated to criticize your actions,” Mal paused as Simon laughed softly. “But I also know that you’d no sooner hurt Kaylee than I would.”

Simon sighed. “There’s not much to tell.”

“Countin’ the number of times I walked in on you and Kaylee half-naked over the past month and a half I’d say you got plenty to tell.”

Simon stared at Mal.

“I don’t need the details,” Mal added quickly. “My point is… you ‘n Kaylee were serious. Leastwise you seemed serious enough not to care about an audience. So you want to explain why it didn’t work between you?”

“I guess…. Since I boarded _Serenity_ I’ve felt a kinship with Kaylee. She’s… indescribable,” Simon smiled. “It took so long to find River. And she needed me so much that there was no time for anything but searching for her. Helping her. I never had time for anything or anyone else. I let River down. I failed her and I had to help her.”

Mal shook his head. “You never failed your sister, Doc. You saved her. In every way possible.”

Simon nodded and graced Mal with a small smile. “I tried. As best I could.”

“You did. Don’t know how she was before the Alliance got a hold of her, but I know she’s better than she was when she first woke up on _Serenity_.”

“I did what I had to do,” Simon said softly.

Mal glanced aside at Simon. “You were explainin’ about you and Kaylee.”

“Kaylee,” Simon paused. “Well, you know Kaylee. She makes everything easy. It was never hard to talk to her or just be with her. I….” Simon smiled and shrugged. “I’d never had that before. Not since,” he sighed. “Not since before River went to the Academy. I guess that should have been my first clue.”

“That Kaylee reminded you of your sister? Could be,” Mal remarked dryly.

Simon huffed a brief laugh. “Yes, I guess so.”

They sat quietly for several minutes. “That all you gotta say?” Mal finally asked.

“I think you know everything else,” Simon continued with a sad smile. “I wanted… I’m not sure what I wanted.”

“You wanted something more. Understandable,” Mal remarked.

Simon nodded. “Yes, I did. And Kaylee and I… we almost had something.” He blushed suddenly. “It was very good,” he answered on a quick exhale. “But River…” he grinned. “River always showed up, always seemed to be right there before anything got, er, interesting.” He glanced sidelong at Mal.

Mal carefully did not remember all the times he walked in on Kaylee and Simon before things got interesting. “Reckon River knew more about your feelings for Kaylee than you did.”

Simon nodded. “Yes, I’m certain she did. She’s been dropping hints for weeks that I should reconsider my feelings for Kaylee. I think River was worried I’d hurt her.”

“I reckon River was worried about you too.”

Simon stared at Mal. “She said that I was wrong about you, too. That there was something different about us that I didn’t understand yet.”

Mal snorted. “Your sister does get some mighty odd notions in her head, don’t she?”

“It’s possible that they’re not as odd as you’d like to believe.”

Mal shook his head and stood up. “Reckon you’d know better than anyone about your sister.” He walked away, tugging his shirt out of his trousers as he walked toward the bathing room door. “Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna take advantage of Inara’s hospitality and have the first proper bath I’ve had access to in many a year.”

“Mal,” Simon followed Mal to the bathing room.

Mal turned and pushed a hand into Simon’s chest. “Don’t need any help bathing, Doc. And don’t need an audience either.” To Mal’s everlasting surprise, Simon grabbed Mal’s wrist, holding tight when Mal tried to tug his hand away.

“We’ve been skirting the issue for weeks, months, Mal. You know as well as I do that there is something more between us than what we’re willing to admit, even to ourselves.”

“Sounds to me like you’re pickin’ up on your sister’s bad habit of bein’ as cryptic as possible.”

Simon took a step closer to Mal. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He took another step, until his chest was pressed to Mal’s, Mal’s hand caught in between them. “Don’t you remember when we were in this same position several weeks ago? Do you remember, Mal?” Simon whispered.

“What are you doing, Simon?”

“I’m not afraid,” Simon said, his hold tightening briefly on Mal’s wrist. “I don’t completely understand what is happening between us or even what I want to happen, but I’m not afraid to find out.”

“And you think I am?”

Simon grinned suddenly. “I don’t think you’re afraid of anything.” The smile fell from Simon’s face. “Except giving too much of yourself.”

Simon gasped as Mal wrapped an arm around Simon’s waist, tugging him marginally closer. “Don’t feel the need to give of myself.”

Simon arched a brow. “Don’t you?”

Mal lowered his face close to Simon’s cheek, his nose brushing against his ear as Mal whispered, “I gave too much of myself once. Won’t do it again. And you should be careful. Don’t expect anything from me.”

Simon tilted his head back and looked into Mal’s eyes. “Why would I expect anything from you?”

Mal didn’t even try to understand why Simon’s words caused a pang in his chest. “Then what do you want?”

“Let’s find out,” and Simon leaned forward, brushing his lips against Mal’s. 

Mal had been kissed plenty of times in his life, by professionals and amateurs and even once by another man back on Shadow. But he couldn’t remember ever being kissed quite like Simon seemed determined to kiss him. It wasn’t a sweet kiss or as hesitant as Mal would have expected it to be, but neither was it forceful or exploratory. Simon simply brushed his lips against Mal’s, not trying to deepen the kiss or seeming to expect a response from Mal. But it struck a chord in Mal, made him feel something he couldn’t identify and didn’t even want to try. And Mal wanted more.

He clutched at Simon’s back and wrapped a hand in Simon’s hair, tilting his face closer to Mal’s. Simon may have had no interest in deepening the kiss, but Mal had nothing but the desire to be closer to Simon, to taste Simon fully, to feel him with everything Mal had. He wanted Simon. He wanted everything Simon was. And it scared Mal in a way that he hadn’t felt since before the war. 

“Best stop, Doc,” Mal said, pushing Simon away and hating how ragged his voice sounded to his own ears.

“No, there’s no reason to stop.” Simon tried to step close to Mal again, but Mal held him back. 

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Don’t set yourself up to be hurt.”

Simon gave Mal a sad smile. “Do you think I’m so weak that I need to be warned about you, Mal? I know what you are. And I know how you see yourself, which is not how others see you.”

Mal shook his head. “I don’t need to be psychoanalyzed, Doc.”

“I’m not trying to. I’m trying to explain to you that you don’t have to warn me. Or worry about me.” Simon took a step close and Mal allowed it this time, letting Simon press close to him again. “I already told you I don’t know what this is or what I want from you. But don’t push me away.”

Mal took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This was the pivotal moment; he knew that he could push Simon away and that would be the end of it. Or he could pull Simon to him, allow them to figure out what this was that was growing between them. He knew Simon would allow either scenario to take place and he would never say or do anything if Mal pushed him away. He held still, letting the moment stretch, half hoping that Simon would take the decision out of his hands, though he also knew that Simon was too much of a gentleman to force Mal to make the choice it was obvious Simon wanted him to make. He heard Zoe’s voice in his ears, heard her sadness and regret but also the joy of knowing that she had had several happy years with Wash. He heard Inara telling him to take something for himself for once. He saw River and Kaylee laughing together and he heard River telling him cryptic things that always seemed to make sense somehow.

He opened his eyes and stared down at Simon. Mal had always been a good judge of character, able to read most people and understand what their intentions were. He couldn’t tell what Simon was thinking. But he didn’t need to know. He felt it in Simon’s grip on his arms, in Simon’s breath ghosting over his face. And he knew, despite the knowledge that it could be a mistake, possibly the biggest mistake of his life, that he was ready to grab something for himself for once. He lowered his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon gets threatened by just about everyone. And a little violence off scene.

“Don’t understand why we got to go off to a job while Kaylee gets to stay behind and be pampered by beautiful women.”

Simon watched and waited to see how Mal would react to Jayne’s complaint. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Zoe spoke instead of Mal.

“This is a straightforward job. Kaylee checked _Serenity_ before we left. Shouldn’t need a mechanic.”

Jayne glared at the room in general and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, cause all our jobs are simple.” He lowered the chair to the deck with a thump. “So Kaylee gets her heart broke by the Doc here and now she gets to sit out the next job but still gets her cut?”

“Simon didn’t break Kaylee’s heart.”

All eyes turned to River and Simon couldn’t help but smile in her direction. River gave him a cheeky grin.

Jayne frowned. “So, are you saying Kaylee broke Simon’s heart?”

River rolled her eyes. “No. Nobody’s heart got broken.”

Jayne turned, confused, to Mal. “How come she seems to know exactly what’s goin’ on?”

“Might be because she’s not drawing conclusions based on wild suppositions,” Zoe answered dryly.

“Supo – what?” Jayne asked.

“This ain’t got nothing to do with our job,” Mal interrupted. “Kaylee’s stayin’ behind because she needs a vacation. You want to stay here then you can stay as long as you like, just don’t expect your cut.”

“Which brings me back to my point,” Jayne began. “How come Kaylee gets to stay behind and be pampered while the rest of us gotta go and work?”

“Not much of a job, which is why I ain’t worried about takin’ off without Kaylee. Simple job: we’re in, we’re out and we make the delivery,” Mal answered. 

“Seem to recall that most of our jobs start out simple and someone ends up bleedin’,” Jayne protested.

“Which is why we got the Doc here to patch us up if we need it,” Mal said sharply. “You do your part, which is to provide muscle on this job. You don’t need to worry about whether Kaylee is takin’ some time off or execution of the plan itself.” He turned to River. “You feel like takin’ us out of the world, Little Albatross?”

Simon couldn’t help but smile as River turned her bright smile on Mal. She didn’t even answer before she scampered to the bridge. 

Zoe turned to Jayne. “We best go get the hold ready.”

Jayne opened his mouth to no doubt protest again, but closed it abruptly at Mal’s look. Zoe and Jayne left Mal and Simon in the kitchen and Simon could hear Jayne protesting as they made their way down to the cargo hold. Mal settled into a chair next to Simon.

“You talked to Kaylee?”

Simon nodded. “Yes.”

Mal sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. They sat silently as the ship sighed and lifted into the air. 

“You’re sister’s a good pilot.”

Simon grinned. “Yes, she is.”

Mal huffed a brief laugh. “Everything she wants to do she does well, ain’t that what you said?”

Simon nodded and laughed softly. “Yes, it’s true.”

“Good thing you and your sister stayed on board, then, isn’t it?” 

Simon glanced aside at Mal. Mal stared resolutely down at the table top. “I didn’t think you would ever say something like that.”

“Well. You’re a fine doctor. And your sister’s been pretty useful.”

“I’m glad we’ve been able to integrate so well into your crew.”

Mal looked up sharply but smiled when he noticed the smile hovering on Simon’s mouth. “Reckon we couldn’t get on without you,” Mal answered softly.

Simon reached for Mal’s hand, touching the back of his hand with two fingers before he stood up. “I’ll go get the infirmary ready.”

Mal stood as well. “This is an easy job, Doc. Ain’t gonna have any trouble this time.”

Simon threw a grin at Mal over his shoulder. “I’m sure there won’t be a problem. But I like to pull my weight here.” Simon walked away, but he knew Mal was watching him walk away and he couldn’t hide his smile.

****

Simon had always hated when the rest of the crew went on a job. He always felt completely helpless, staying back on _Serenity_ while everyone else risked their lives pulling a caper. It had been easy to turn to Kaylee while the others were gone. Kaylee had often felt as helpless Simon, though Kaylee could always tinker with the engine in preparation for a speedy getaway. Simon spent a great deal of time in the infirmary, preparing for any eventuality, hoping desperately that his skill wouldn’t be needed but also knowing that chances were slim that he wouldn’t need to patch up at least one of the crew. And he had never forgiven himself for not being there to work on Book when he and River had been snatched on Jiangyin. 

Waiting now shouldn’t have been any different than waiting before had been, but it was. Simon keenly felt the emptiness of _Serenity_ and waited anxiously for the crew to return. He had questioned the logic of taking River on the caper, but even Zoe had agreed that River would be of more use on the mission than waiting on the bridge. Everyone was convinced that this would be the simplest job since River and Simon had joined the crew of _Serenity_. But unease had settled into Simon’s belly and no matter how much the others had tried to reassure him, Simon couldn’t shake the feeling that something horrible was going to happen. His desire to keep River safe was only part of the reason he wanted her to remain on _Serenity_. But he was also convinced that it was imperative that they be prepared to leave quickly. 

He wandered the ship, not certain what he was looking for or that he even knew what he should do in order to prepare the ship. He ended up in the infirmary again, straightening supplies that didn’t need to be straightened, checking the inventory against the list of supplies he’d like to replenish at the next opportunity. And he waited, pacing between the cargo bay and the infirmary. Waiting, ready, and when the comm chirped to life, jumping and then running to answer.

“Doc, meet us in the infirmary. We need medical attention ASAP.”

“What -- who’s been injured?” Simon asked, his heart leaping. He started when River’s voice came through the comm.

“Simon. You need to be ready. He’s badly injured. He needs treatment.”

Simon froze for a moment before hitting the button to open the hanger bay doors, catching sight of the mule closer than he had expected, and then stepping back, ready to meet them as soon as they landed. Jayne was gathering Mal into his arms almost before the mule had come to a complete stop. Simon spared barely a glance at River to make sure she was all right before he was following Jayne into the infirmary. He allowed himself one deep breath before he forced his personal feelings aside and began examining Mal.

The ship shifted and Simon knew that River was taking _Serenity_ out of the world. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Zoe enter the infirmary. He heard her give orders to Jayne but ignored everything in favor of ascertaining how badly Mal was hurt. There were cuts and contusions all over his face. Simon glanced up as Zoe stepped up to the other side of the bed. 

“Help me get his clothes off. And tell me what happened. In as much detail as you can.”

Zoe arched a brow but moved to begin pulling Mal’s boots off while Simon set to work on his shirt.

“You sure you want to hear everything?”

Simon nodded, running his fingers over Mal’s ribs, feeling for any movement underneath the skin. “I need to know what happened to him so that I can treat him.”

Zoe sighed, but began to recite a list of injuries inflicted upon Mal by the group of thugs that had cornered Mal as he covered the retreat from the rendezvous point. Simon shook his head, whether at Mal’s stupidity for remaining behind alone instead of going with them on the mule, or at the numerous injuries that Zoe listed. She recounted how River had ordered them to return, how Zoe and Jayne had wasted no time firing on the three men who had ganged up against Mal. How they hadn’t taken the time to access his injuries before they bundled him onto the mule and Jayne called Simon to be ready. 

“What about head injuries?” Simon asked as he ran a scanner over Mal’s torso.

“Didn’t see any blows to the head. Doesn’t mean there aren’t any,” Zoe answered as she finished stripping the trousers from Mal’s legs.

Simon handed Zoe the scanner. “Run this along his abdomen. Let me know if there are any bleeding vessels.”

Zoe took the scanner and did as Simon asked. Simon turned his attention to Mal’s head, cupping his face between his hands first and losing himself for a moment in the sight of Mal’s skin broken against the cheekbone, the swelling around his eye which was already darkening. He forced his attention back to the task at hand, running his fingers through Mal’s hair, looking for any hint of injury. To his surprise there were no obvious head injuries save for the ones to his face. He stood up and frowned, holding his hand out for the scanner.

“This doesn’t make any sense. His injuries aren’t significant enough to cause this level of unconsciousness.”

Zoe remained silent as Simon read the results from the scanner. While there was bruising to his kidneys and along his ribs, one or two cracked or broken, there were no deep internal injuries. Simon set the scanner aside and ran his hands along Mal’s left arm, lifting it and tracing the veins and tendons. He turned to Mal’s other arm and did the same.  
“Check his neck and legs for any needle punctures,” Simon didn’t hesitate to order Zoe as he turned to another drawer. He looked up and saw River and Jayne hovering outside. He tried to give them a reassuring smile but couldn’t make his mouth work the way he would like. 

“Simon. Got one.”

Simon turned to Zoe and found her curling a hand over Mal’s side. Simon leaned close and noticed a puncture site.

Simon nodded. “I don’t suppose you have any idea what they might have dosed him with.” Zoe shook her head, but Simon was already preparing to draw blood. “With the equipment I have available I may never be able to determine what they gave him. I’ll do a basic analysis. Is there any chance there will be more advanced medical facilities wherever we’re headed?”

“River? Get on the Cortex and check for any medical facilities in the Georgia System.”

Simon nodded as he finished taking Mal’s blood and looked up at Zoe. “Mal’s injuries aren’t severe. Can you clean his torso and wrap his ribs for me?”

Zoe hesitated a moment. “I’m not sure that I--”

“I’ll help,” River said softly as she stepped hesitantly into the infirmary. “Jayne is on the Cortex. I’ll help take care of Mal.”

Simon nodded and tried to smile again. River gave him a sad smile and touched his arm as she moved toward the bed to help Zoe. Simon heard them talking softly to each other but paid no attention to them as he placed some of Mal’s blood in the centrifuge, setting the rest aside in the small refrigerator under the cabinet. He returned to Mal and began washing the blood from his face, cleaning the cuts and feeling the bones in Mal’s face carefully. He ran his fingers along Mal’s head again, double checking that there were no other head injuries. 

“Don’t you need to start testing his blood?” River asked.

Simon glanced at the centrifuge then ran his fingers over Mal’s brow again. “Yes, thank you.” He stepped away but then turned back to River. “River, do you have any idea what they could have given him?”

River gave him a small smile and shook his head. “No. I’m sorry, Simon, but I don’t,” she sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Simon nodded and squeezed her hand gently. “It’s all right, River. Thank you for helping.”

Simon returned to the counter. There was very little he could do with the limited supplies that were kept in the infirmary, but hopefully the test would yield a list of possible drugs that would put Mal into as deep a sleep as he was in. He only hoped that there was a medical facility in the Georgia System that would let Simon use their labs. He glanced over his shoulder and watched as Zoe smoothed a sheet over Mal’s shoulder. Though it was possible that even if they didn’t have a medical facility he could use, Zoe would be perfectly happy to break into a med facility anywhere in the system. He turned back to Mal’s sample and began testing for drugs.

****

He stayed with Mal until River came down to drag him up to dinner. The four remaining crew members gathered around the table to eat the simple fare that Zoe had prepared, though it was quiet and disheartening to gather at a place that used to be filled with life and laughter. Kaylee’s and Mal’s absences were keenly felt.

“Find anything, Doc?” Jayne asked.

Simon nodded. “Yes. I think so.” He took a gulp of water before he answered. “It seems to be a variant of the goodnight kiss that Saffron dosed him with.”

“So, they kissed him?” Jayne asked with a frown.

“Jayne, is there some kinda switch you can turn on that makes your brain connect to your mouth?” Zoe asked. “They injected it into him.” She turned to Simon. “Question is why they’d do such a thing.”

Simon shrugged and shoved his plate away. River frowned and pushed the plate back toward Simon. Simon shook his head. “Goodnight kiss is just what we called it in the emergency center, it’s actually a common narcotic. But, when it’s injected and not absorbed through a mucus membrane the effects are much more potent.” Simon sighed and scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “But I couldn’t isolate all of the indicators. It’s possible,” he paused and looked at Zoe. “It’s quite likely that they included at least one other narcotic. I’ve given him a dose of cortisol that should counteract the goodnight kiss, at least.” He turned to Jayne. “Did you find any medical centers in the Georgia System?”

Jayne shifted in his chair uncomfortably and cleared his throat. “Hmm. Well, I found a clinic. But can’t tell ya what they have or don’t have. Or, hmm, if they’ll run tests on Mal’s blood for ya.”

“Did you retain the information about the clinic?” Simon asked.

Jayne nodded. “Oh, yeah, got everythin’ saved fer ya.”

Simon smiled briefly. “Thank you. I’ll contact them and find out what they are willing to help us with.” Simon stood, ignoring River’s deliberate frown at his filled plate, and headed back down to the infirmary. He hadn’t been there long before Zoe joined him.

“Any chance he’ll wake up and be just fine?”

Simon shrugged. “I don’t know; anything is possible.” Simon looked up at Zoe. “You know Mal has a tendency to do many things I never thought would be possible.”

Zoe smiled briefly. “That he does.” She looked up at him. “We’ll do whatever we have to do to make sure he comes out of this alright. Don’t worry about that, Simon.”

Simon frowned at her. “I’m sure, that, uh,” he nodded. “Yes, well, that’s good.”

Zoe smoothed the sheet over Mal’s shoulder. “Reckon Inara might have a facility that can help?”

Simon considered the question for a moment. “Perhaps.” He nodded. “Quite possibly. There are stringent medical rules for companions. If she doesn’t have access to a facility herself then she can certainly recommend one.”

Zoe nodded. “I’ll contact Inara.”

“Zoe, wait,” Simon said quickly. “I don’t… perhaps it might be best,” he paused and took a deep breath and turned to face Zoe fully. “I think it might be best if Kaylee didn’t know that Mal was injured. Not yet.”

Zoe arched a brow. “You mean to hide this from her.”

Simon shook his head. “No, I don’t mean keep it from her.” He felt his cheeks grow hot and cursed inwardly. “It’s just that, we, ah, when we left she….”

Zoe laughed softly. “Reckon she won’t be happy to know that her captain has been injured and her former boyfriend, who is now her captain’s boyfriend, is treating him?”  
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Simon mumbled.

Zoe only laughed again. “You just keep telling yourself that.” She glanced at Mal and stepped around the bed, stepping close to Simon. “I don’t have to tell you that no one wants to see Mal get hurt. No one wants to see you get hurt either, so you need to be careful. Mal isn’t very good with relationships, but you’re good for him. He’s changed since you and River came on board. It hasn’t been easy for any of us. But I think things can be better for everyone now. For Mal. Just be patient with him.”

“I, um, you know, you’re being rather presumptuous,” Simon replied awkwardly. 

“Am I?” Zoe returned smoothly. “Shipboard romances are awkward for everyone. Breakups make everything worse. I don’t really need to tell you what would happen to you were you to break Mal’s heart.”

Simon shook his head. “I’ve no intention of breaking Mal’s heart.”

Zoe nodded. “Just make sure he doesn’t break your heart either. I’ll send Jayne down with the information so you can contact the medical facility.”

Simon nodded and watched Zoe walk out of the room. He turned to Mal, anxious to do something, anything, to make him wake. He reached out and took Mal’s hand, deftly turning it in his grip to take his pulse when he heard Jayne approaching.

“Zoe said to bring this down to ya.”

Simon nodded and released Mal’s hand, reaching for the pad in Jayne’s grasp. 

“You think he’s going to make it?” Jayne asked.

Simon looked up, surprised to catch a worried expression on Jayne’s face. “He’ll be fine, I’ve no doubt. If all they gave him was the goodnight kiss then he should wake by morning.”

“What about his other injuries?” Jayne asked as he took a step closer to Mal. 

Simon tried not to feel threatened by Jayne’s concern about Mal, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to ignore Jayne’s proximity to Mal. “They weren’t that severe. He should make a full recovery. You, Zoe and River arrived in time to prevent any serious injuries.”

Jayne nodded. “That’s good, then.” Jayne took a deep breath and stepped back. “Well, reckon I’ll just leave you to take care of him then.”

Simon frowned as Jayne hurried out of the infirmary. He couldn’t decide if Jayne were simply worried about Mal and his strange attitude was embarrassment at appearing to care, or if his concern extended to a more personal reason. He shook his head and turned back to Mal. There was nothing he needed to do, nothing that he could do that he hadn’t already done. But he stepped forward, dragging the stool with one foot, and settled beside Mal, holding his hand again and wishing he would wake up.

****

Simon was nodding off at Mal’s side when the captain showed the first signs of waking. Simon jerked awake and stood, releasing Mal’s hand and cupping Mal’s face in his hands.  
“Mal, can you hear me?”

Mal’s eyes didn’t open, but his body shifted again. Simon sighed and stood up.

“You should go get some rest.”

Simon shook his head and glanced up at River where she hovered in the doorway. “I’m fine.”

River shook her head and walked into the room. “You didn’t eat. You’ve been here for hours. You won’t be any help to Mal if you make yourself sick.”

Simon smiled as River stopped beside him. 

“What are you smiling at?”

Simon laughed softly and pulled her into a hug. “I can’t believe how you’ve changed over the last year.”

River hugged him back. “It’s because of you. You always take care of me.”

“Someone has to.” Simon squeezed her tight before releasing her. “You can’t take care of yourself.”

River laughed. “Don’t you know crazy people always need a keeper?”

“You’re not crazy,” Simon admonished gently. 

“Not anymore. Thanks to you.” River leaned her head on Simon’s shoulder. “You’re a good doctor, Simon.”

Simon took a deep breath and turned back to Mal. “I only do what I was trained to do.”

River took Simon’s hand and looked earnestly into his eyes. “No, it’s more than that. You care about people. You make them better.”

Simon shook his head. “You forget what our parents raised me to be.”

River gave Simon’s hand a quick shake. “You went to medical school because they wanted you to. But you became who you are because it’s who you were meant to be. I wish you could see yourself how I see you.”

Simon smiled and touched River’s cheek with two fingertips. “You see everything differently. Not everyone views the universe as you do.”

“Maybe they should.”

Simon jumped as Mal’s voice rang through the infirmary. “You’re awake.”

River giggled and nudged Simon with her elbow.

“So it seems,” Mal answered, though his eyes were still closed. “Care to tell me what happened?”

“You got beat up,” River said lightly.

Mal’s eyes opened for a moment then closed again. “Don’t explain everything.”

“You were dosed with goodnight kiss again. Though this time it was a greater quantity and injected directly into your bloodstream,” Simon explained before River could speak again.

“Simon saved you.”

Mal’s lips quirked in a brief smile. “Course he did.”

“That’s not exactly what happened,” Simon protested.

“I see the captain’s awake,” Zoe said as she stepped into the infirmary. Jayne stood in the doorway.

Mal smiled and opened his eyes as Zoe came in to stand beside the bed. “Got anything to add, Zoe?”

Simon stepped away and busied himself at the counter behind River. He ignored the look River gave him, part sad smile part knowing glance, and gave his attention to the medication laid out there.

“No, sir,” Zoe answered softly. “Simon’s been takin’ good care of you.”

“We all been watching out for you, Captain,” Jayne said quickly. “Was me and Zoe that saved you from the thugs, after all.” Zoe and River threw Jayne a look that made Jayne recoil slightly. “Well we did.”

“Appreciate it,” Mal said and closed his eyes again.

“Reckon we ought to leave you and Simon alone for a while.”

Simon turned sharply to face Zoe, who stared blandly back at him.

“Er, yeah, reckon he needs to medicate you or something, right?” Jayne asked, uncertainty ringing in his voice.

Simon nodded and stepped close to Mal again. “Yes, I’d like to conduct a few more tests. And it appears that the Captain is in need of more rest.”

Jayne walked out without looking back. River touched Simon’s arm and followed Jayne out of the infirmary, turning toward her quarters. Zoe leaned over Mal, bracing her hand on his shoulder a moment.

“Don’t worry about anything, Captain. Just listen to Simon and work on getting better.”

Mal smiled. “Know I can always count on you, Zoe.”

Zoe patted his arm, smiled at Simon and left them alone.

Mal closed his eyes again. “Am I going to survive?”

“This time.” Simon wrapped his fingers around Mal’s wrist. “I thought it was going to be a simple job.”

“All our jobs are simple. Things always seem to go wrong, though,” Mal mumbled.

They were silent for several minutes. Mal opened his eyes again. Simon was looking down at him.

“You got somethin’ else to add, Simon?”

“If River hadn’t….” he released Mal’s wrist and stepped back, but Mal grabbed at his wrist and tugged him close again. “You could have been killed.”

“But I wasn’t. You worry too much, Simon.”

“And you don’t worry enough. You don’t always have to sacrifice yourself.”

Mal frowned. “Not sure what you’re getting at, Doc.”

Simon took a deep breath. “Your injuries aren’t that severe. But they could have been a lot worse. Who knows what they would have done to you if Jayne and Zoe and River hadn’t returned when they did.”

“But they did and everythin’s just fine.”

“This time,” Simon added tartly. “What about next time? Why do you always have to send everyone else off so you can play the big hero and save everyone?”

“Simon, that ain’t….”

Simon interrupted before Mal could protest any further. “You don’t have to be the hero every time. You don’t have to save everyone. Why can’t you just be…?”

“What?” Mal asked after Simon fell silent for several seconds.

“Why can’t you just be Mal?” Simon finished softly. 

Mal closed his eyes and released Simon’s hand. “It’s all I’ve ever been, Simon.”

Simon couldn’t resist running his fingers over Mal’s face. “You’re not. You’re the captain. You’re the hero. You’re everything but yourself.”

Mal opened his eyes. “You’re making ‘bout as much sense as your sis, Doc.”

Simon gave him a brief grin. “I can think of worse things you could say to me.”

Mal smiled in return and reached up to take Simon’s hand. “Reckon I can get out of here for a while?”

Simon shook his head. “No. I need to keep an eye on you.”

“That don’t mean that I gotta stay here. No offense, Doc, but this room ain’t the most comfortable on the ship, and I don’t just mean this rickety excuse for a bed.”

Simon frowned. “I’m not sure….” He sighed. “I can put you in one of the passenger rooms. Book’s --”

“Not Book’s,” Mal interrupted and struggled to sit up. Simon stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Mal’s shoulder. Mal leaned against him, his cheek pressed to Simon’s neck, and Simon struggled not to shiver as Mal’s breathe ghosted beneath his collar. “Don’t wanna stay in Book’s room.”

Simon wrapped his arms around Mal and held him close. “We’ll stay in my quarters tonight. You’ll be well enough to sleep in your own quarters tomorrow.”

Mal sighed and Simon didn’t suppress the shiver this time. He felt Mal smile against his neck. “You sure I’m gonna be healed by then?”

Simon smiled and eased Mal out of his arms. “Healed enough that you won’t need a nursemaid.” He helped Mal to his feet. “And just in time to finish the job.”

Mal winced and held his ribs a moment before he straightened up and let Simon wrap an arm around his waist to help him to his bunk. “Yeah, about the job.”

Simon paused. “Is there a problem?”

Mal gestured toward the passenger dorms and let Simon lead him on. “Reckon it might be best if River sat out the delivery.”

“I thought she was essential to the success of this operation,” Simon said cautiously.

Mal stopped in front of the door to Simon’s bunk and waited while Simon opened the door and turned up the lights enough to see a path to the bed. 

“River’s more help than she should be, that’s a fact.” He grimaced as Simon lowered him to sit on the edge of the bed. He frowned as Simon slipped his hands beneath Mal’s knees and deftly turned him and settled him on the bed. He stayed silent as Simon smoothed the blankets over him. He only spoke again when Simon acquiesced to the silent demand and sat on the bed beside him. “River saved my life yesterday, know that for a fact. But I also know that she needs to stay safe more’n we need her help deliverin’ the goods.”

“Mal. There’s something you’re not telling me.” 

Mal quirked his mouth a moment. “Lie down here beside me and I’ll explain.”

Despite his best intentions, Simon’s heart began to race. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, given the circumstances.”  
“You’d deny an injured man a little comfort?”

Simon smiled. “When cuddling might cause more injuries, yes, I would.”

“Tryin’ to take somethin’ for myself for once, as folk have been tellin’ me to do for a while now.”

Simon shook his head. “You’re trying to avoid answering the question.”

Mal sighed, then grimaced at the pull on his ribs. Simon arched a brow, but held his tongue, especially when Mal gave him a look that said he didn’t want any of Simon’s lip.  
“I know what River means to you. And you should know how much she means to the rest of us.”

Simon frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but Mal pressed a finger to his lips.

“Ain’t sayin’ that she won’t be pullin’ her weight around her much as anyone else does.” Mal closed his eyes. “But you know well as I do what those men were intendin’ to do to me. Can’t imagine allowin’ River in a situation like that.”

Simon huffed a brief laugh, though he felt a painful pull in his chest at the thought of what Mal went through, what he could have gone through, and what could have happened to River. “You say that like you don’t know River can take care of herself.”

Mal gave Simon a half smile and opened his eyes briefly. “That she can. But as you love to point out, she’s just a kid.”

Simon shook his head and moved away from the bed. He hesitated only a moment before he took off his shoes and shirt. Mal didn’t open his eyes as Simon slid under the covers beside him, though he didn’t try to hide his smile. 

“Don’t get any ideas, Captain.”

“Oh, I got plenty of ideas, Doc. Just ain’t in the mood to put them into practice right now.”

Simon shifted carefully, trying to press close to Mal and keep his distance at the same time. “You can’t protect River forever.”

“I ain’t aimin’ to protect her forever. Just long enough that she has a chance to be a kid again before she has to be a grownup. Now settle down and let me sleep.”

Simon stifled a laugh but finally found a position that wouldn’t press on Mal’s injuries and was close enough to feel Mal breathe. “She’ll fight you on this, you know.”

“Reckon I can hold my own against an eighteen year old girl.”

Simon couldn’t help but laugh softly at that. “I thought you knew River better than that.”

“Settle down, Simon, and let me hold onto my delusions till mornin’.”

Simon smiled and pressed his forehead against Mal’s shoulder. He’d give Mal till morning and then sit back and watch as he tried to handle River.

****

Simon woke to a whispered conversation. He didn’t want to wake, but knew that he needed to. He had a patient. And he had to see about River. But as soon as he shifted to roll out of bed he was tugged against a warm side and held firmly. 

Zoe laughed softly and put a hand on his shoulder. “Reckon you should just stay where you are for a while, Doc.”

Simon opened his eyes and frowned at Mal before twisting his head around to look at Zoe. “What time is it?”

“It’s early yet; just wanted to check on the Captain.”

Simon twisted his head back around and glared at Mal’s grinning countenance. “Didn’t take long for Zoe to track us down.” He lifted a hand and touched Simon’s cheek. “You go on back to sleep. Zoe was just leavin’.”

Simon heard Zoe’s voice, heard her walk to the door and heard the door close behind her, but he didn’t look away from Mal’s eyes.

“You should sleep, Mal.”

Mal smiled and lowered his head to Simon, pressing their foreheads together. “I will. You need to sleep, too. Don’t think I haven’t realized you’ve run yourself ragged since we come back from this job.” Mal pressed a kiss to Simon’s mouth. “Go to sleep, Simon.”

Simon stared up at Mal, watching as his eyes closed and he settled his head back on Simon’s pillow. 

“Stop starin’ and go to sleep,” Mal said after a few minutes.

Smiling, Simon pressed a kiss to Mal’s throat and laid his head down on Mal’s shoulder.

****

“Kaylee know ‘bout you?  
”  
Simon glanced over his shoulder at Jayne, hovering in what Simon assumed was meant to be a threatening manner in the doorway to the infirmary.

“What about me?”

Jayne took a step into the room, still blocking the doorway, but attempting to fill the small space with his presence. “’Bout you ‘n the captain.”

Simon turned back to the information Jayne had retrieved about the medical facility in the Georgia System. “Yes, she does. I spoke with her before we left the companion training house.”

Simon felt his spine stiffen when he heard the door close. He turned and faced Jayne.

“So ‘s that why she stayed with ‘nara? Cause you and the Cap’n decided to start fucking?”

“I’m not sure --“

Jayne grinned suddenly. “Don’t mean ya no harm, Doc. But just want to get one thing clear: you hurt Kaylee and we all get hurt. You hurt the Cap’n and ain’t nothin’ in the ‘verse gonna be able to save you. Cause after Zoe gets done, it’ll be Kaylee’s turn and there ain’t gonna be much left after Kaylee gets done with you which’ll cause me to be all kinds of angry. Not that you’ll have to worry ‘bout that, but I’m just tryin’ to give you a little friendly warnin’, ‘s all.”

Simon nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

Jayne nodded back. “Good.” He turned and opened the door, nearly ran into River on his way out, and strode, whistling, toward the cargo bay.

River stood in the med bay and looked after Jayne. “He’s not as scary as he wants people to think he is.”

Simon’s mouth quirked in a small smile. “Is that so?”

River turned and studied Simon intently but still only hovered on the threshold of the infirmary. “He cares more than he shows. And he’s scared.”

“Of what?” Simon asked.

River smiled and darted away. Simon shook his head and watched as she followed Jayne to the cargo bay then turned back to the counter. He had just decided that the chances were good that the medical facility would check Mal’s blood for him when Zoe came to the door of the infirmary.

“Doc, reckon you can come and join us for a minute?”

Simon turned and frowned at Zoe. “Is something wrong?”

Zoe shook her head. “Just need to chat with you for a few minutes.”

Simon followed Zoe out to the sitting area just outside the infirmary. Mal was already sitting on the small couch and offered Simon a small smile before he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Simon frowned and sat beside him, ignoring the snort from Jayne sitting in a chair nearby and River’s soft giggle. He took Mal’s wrist, and grimaced when he pulled his hand from Simon’s grasp before he could take his pulse.

“Ain’t in need for any doctorin’ just now,” Mal muttered without opening his eyes.

Simon sighed and set back beside him, turning his attention to Zoe. “Is there a problem?”

Simon turned back to Mal as the man sat up and looked around at the others.

“No problem. Just a change in plans.”

“Cap’n reckons he ought to stay behind on the delivery. Seein’ as how he can barely walk,” Zoe answered dryly.

Mal glared in her direction; Zoe stared back calmly, not at all intimidated by Mal’s glare. “There are some here who don’t believe I’ll be capable of makin’ the delivery day after tomorrow.” He turned to Simon. “Know you don’t care to take part in our capers, but I hate the thought of Zoe and Jayne headin’ out shorthanded.”

“Now wait just a minute,” Jayne began. “Don’t need no pansy assed doctor taggin’ along. Me ‘n Zoe can handle the delivery just fine.”

Mal and Zoe stared at Jayne a moment then turned back to Simon. Simon hid a grin. 

“Could use an extra hand, Doc,” Zoe continued where Mal left off. “We don’t expect you to carry a gun or anything, but we could use an extra pair of eyes. And someone honest to carry the cash.”

“Hey!” Jayne protested loudly.

Simon glanced at River who was studying her knees intently. “I don’t mind going along. In fact, I was going to ask to go along.” He turned to Mal. “It would give me a chance to stop by the medical center.”

Mal stared back calmly and didn’t say anything  
.  
“Alright then,” Zoe said. “Jayne and I will meet up with you at the medical center and head out to the drop point with the goods from there.” She stood beside River a moment longer then turned and walked up the stairs. 

River stood and followed her, pausing a moment to lay a hand on Simon’s shoulder. He smiled up at her then turned to watch Jayne walk away, muttering under his breath about ruttin’ doctors causin’ nothing but trouble.

“Reckon you can stock up on supplies while you’re out and about too.”

Simon nodded. “Yes, I can.” Simon took a deep breath. “How do you feel?”

Mal huffed a brief laugh then grabbed at his ribs. “Feel well enough. Though a bit twingy, as you no doubt noticed.”

Simon smiled. “Yes, I did. I’d like you to rest while we’re out.”

Mal arched a brow but Simon just stared back calmly. “There a reason you think I need to rest?”

“You were just beaten, you know. And given a powerful narcotic.” Simon smiled. “Doctor’s orders.”

“Gotta say I’m a bit disappointed, Simon. I was hopin’ for a more carnal reason for the order to rest.”

Simon laughed softly. “We’ll see after I get your blood tested.” He took Mal’s hand again, and this time Mal let him, understanding that Simon wasn’t going to try and take his pulse this time. “I want to make sure that there wasn’t anything else in the drug they gave you other than the goodnight kiss.”

“You just can’t stop bein’ a doctor for five minutes, can you?” Mal asked, a bit exasperated.

Simon ran a finger along the bruise under Mal’s eye. “I can stop being a doctor. But not when you grimace every five minutes from the pain.”

Mal lifted their joined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to Simon’s knuckles. “Then I reckon I should rest up. So long as you’re makin’ promises and intend to keep them.”  
Simon leaned in and pressed a kiss to the bruise on Mal’s jaw. “I promise. And I’ll keep them.”

Mal tugged on Simon’s hand. “Best make sure you do, Doc. You know I ain’t the most patient of men.”

Simon smiled and leaned into the kiss that Mal pressed on him.

****

Simon knew that River was upset. It wasn’t hard to figure out. She had been silent at the meeting and completely uncommunicative at supper. It had made everyone uncomfortable, reminding them of the time before Miranda when it was impossible to gauge River’s mood. The past several weeks had been such a relief for Simon, seeing River more like her old self, more like the beautiful young girl who loved to dance and joke with her brother. And now River had fallen silent again. And Simon didn’t know what he would do if River was getting sick again. After Jayne had disappeared to his bunk and Zoe had curled up in the kitchen with an old book she had found in Shepherd’s room and Mal had stolen away to the bridge, Simon cornered River in her quarters. 

He knocked on her door. “Mei mei? Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” River replied shortly.

Simon wanted to push the door open, but hesitated to invade her privacy the way he had done just after her rescue. She had been so much better lately. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, but then started as the door opened and River stared out at him.

“I’m fine. I’m not sick again.”

Simon smiled and wanted to reach for her, but something in her stance told him it would be a mistake to do so. “I’m glad, River. But I still worry about you.”  
River rolled her eyes. “I don’t need you to worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

And now River sounded like a petulant child and Simon couldn’t help but chuckle, which made River scowl.

“I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“I know you don’t. But I want to.”

River crossed her arms over her chest. “Is that why you won’t let me go on the delivery?”

Simon frowned. “River, I never said you couldn’t.”

“But….” River frowned, dropping her hands to hang by her side. “Then why can’t I go?”

Simon hesitated and River glared at him through narrowed eyes. “Does _he_ think I can’t take care of myself?”

“He knows you can,” Simon smiled, but River continued to glare. He sighed. “What happened to him scared him. He… he doesn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I can take care of myself. And I’m the one that saved him,” River replied angrily, brushing past Simon and stalking up to the bridge. Simon followed her.

“Why won’t you let me go on the delivery?”

Simon saw Mal’s shoulders stiffen then relax before he turned to face River.

“Don’t see that they need you to make this delivery, little albatross.”

River scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. Simon hid a smile and leaned against the doorway. 

“You would have been kidnapped if I hadn’t been on the pick-up,” River replied sulkily.

Mal nodded. “That’s so. But that don’t mean you gotta go on the drop-off. Rather you’d stay here and keep me company.”

River scowled. “I want...”

Mal waited for River to continue, but she didn’t. “I know what you want, River,” Mal said softly. “And I understand what you’re feelin’. But you gotta understand what we’re feelin’ too.” Mal stared intently at River. “And I know you do.”

River nodded. “Yes, I do.” She turned away, turned back to Mal for a moment, then turned away again and walked down the stairs.

Simon stepped forward and watched River walk away. He turned back to Mal but could think of nothing to say. Mal reached for him and tugged him close.

“Think she does understand?”

Simon gave Mal a small smile. “She doesn’t want to hurt you. Or disappoint you.”

Mal stood and leaned his forehead on Simon’s shoulder. “Don’t know how she managed to squirm her way under my skin like she has.”

Simon wrapped his arms around Mal’s shoulders; Mal leaned into him. Simon knew he was tired, that he was in pain. But also knew how proud he was. He pressed a kiss to Mal’s temple. “River has a way about her. She always has.”

Mal lifted his head. “Keep me company tonight.”

Simon nodded. “Yes.”

****

Simon didn’t have much hope that the medical center could perform a better test of Mal’s blood than Simon had already done, but he was also determined to check it anyway. The entrance to the medical center was disheartening, to say the least.

Simon shook his head as he entered the nondescript building. “I’m looking for the medical center.”

“Found it, boy. What can I do for you?”

Simon frowned and looked around the general store. “Um.”

The man behind the counter chuckled and stood up, walking toward a door in the back of the shop. Simon followed him to the door which, when opened, revealed a medical center much more elaborate than the nondescript edifice had indicated. Simon met the smirking grin of the clerk. “Well, what I actually need is a blood scan.”

“Can do that,” the clerk held out a hand. Simon hesitated before handing over the sample case. “There’s not much call for doctoring so I took over the general store when the original owners retired to Osiris.” He smiled at Simon as he placed the blood in the warmer and centrifuge. “Pays the bills, that’s for sure.”

“This facility is, um…”

The clerk laughed as Simon glanced around. “Yes, bit more elaborate than you expected, isn’t it?”

“To say the least,” Simon answered dryly. 

The clerk shrugged, crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter. “Didn’t always live here. I was born and grew up on Osiris. My parents were killed during the war when they sided with the Independents. I was sent to ‘earn my keep’ at a medical facility. When I showed an interest in medicine one of the doctors there took me under his wing. I don’t know what kind of strings he pulled to get me transferred to the medical academy.” The clerk turned doctor turned back to the centrifuge and began pulling blood kits from the cupboard above. “When the war ended I was awarded my medical license,” he glanced over his shoulder at Simon. “I came out to the rim after the parades and speeches were over. “ The doctor laughed softly, bitterly. “I’m more than happy to help those that need it, and I want to reassure you that I do know what I’m doing. But you don’t need to know more than that.”

Simon nodded. “I understand.” He gestured at the test kit he was working on. “And I appreciate your assistance.”

The doctor shrugged. “I can recognize a kindred spirit when I meet one. There aren’t many folk who pass through here who don’t have something to hide.” The doctor held up the results of the test scan. “Looks like your friend was dosed with a pretty powerful narcotic.” He turned and handed the results to Simon. “Nothing else to show for it.”

Simon took the results and studied them for a moment before releasing a relieved sigh. “That’s good to know.”

“And about what you expected me to find,” the doctor answered dryly.

Simon smiled and nodded. “Yes. I just wanted to be sure.”

The doctor returned Simon’s smile. “Happy to put your worries to rest.” He turned and gathered the remains of the Mal’s blood sample and handed it over to Simon. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have another appointment. “

Simon nodded. “Yes, of course. Thank you.”

The doctor nodded and continued to clean up the test kit. Simon turned, glancing over his shoulder once to watch the doctor dispose of the kit properly, then went outside to meet Jayne and Zoe. 

Zoe arched a brow. Simon shook his head.

“It was clean.”

“Course it was,” Jayne said from the back of the mule. “Back world hicks like them ain’t gonna have anythin’ fancy to dose anyone with.”

Simon exchanged a look with Zoe.

“He’s right, you know.”

Simon sighed and rubbed his fingers across his forehead tiredly. “I know. I just had to be sure.”

Jayne snorted from the back and he knew that Zoe was smiling. He ignored them both and watched the scenery pass as they made their way to the drop off point. Jayne was muttering something to Zoe but Simon wasn’t paying attention to them anymore. The local doctor had awoken memories that Simon had thought he had put completely behind him. He hadn’t hesitated to give everything up for River and hadn’t given it a second thought. He could have had everything. But then he would never have met Mal or Kaylee. He would never have gotten his sister back. He glanced aside at Zoe, ignoring Jayne for the most part. Simon would never had had anything to do with any of these people in his life before he had saved River. He glanced over his shoulder, especially someone like Jayne. He couldn’t help but wonder if it had been worth it. He thought of the friends he had made at medicad. The same doctors he had studied with, worked with, gotten drunk with, slept with. And then he thought again of everything that Jayne and Zoe and Book and Wash had done for him.

“Who the hell is that?”

Simon looked up and laughed softly.

“Something strike you as funny, Doc?” Zoe asked as she brought the mule to a stop.

Simon shook his head. “What exactly is the cargo we’re delivering?”

Jayne climbed over Simon and jumped to the ground. “Only the best --” he glanced at a piece of paper and scowled. “Dih-ag --”

“It’s an x-ray machine, Doc,” Zoe answered dryly as she climbed down.

“Er, yeah, one of those,” Jayne said as he met Zoe at the back of the mule.

Simon shook his head and climbed down, smiling as the town doctor approached. “So this is how you get your medical equipment.”

The doctor laughed softly as he came to stand beside Simon. Jayne and Zoe set a crate down in front of him. Zoe pulled the lid off.

“It’s nothing illegal.” He glanced at Simon as he crouched down to examine the equipment. “I don’t sell drugs or perform procedures frowned upon by the Alliance.” He nodded and looked up at Zoe. “This is it.” He stood up and reached into his jacket, removing a bag of coins which he handed over to Zoe. 

Simon couldn’t help but grin. “Well, that explains why you felt the need to tell me your life story.” He shook his head. “The fact that you’re able to lend aid to the rim planets they could never afford - and indeed wouldn’t even be available here were it not for your under the table dealing - has nothing to do with it?” 

The doctor grinned. “I wouldn’t say that exactly.” He turned his grin on Zoe and Jayne. “I’m also more than happy to work with the crew that gave the Alliance a black eye not too long ago.” He sobered suddenly. “The Alliance hasn’t done anyone any good. And has hurt more than their fair share of folk.” He turned to Simon. “My facility isn’t much to speak of, but it’s at your disposal anytime you need it.” He turned back to Zoe and Jayne and held a hand out to Zoe who shook it hesitantly. “And I’m more than happy to hire you for all my delivery jobs from now.”

Zoe arched a brow. “I’ll let the captain know we’ve got a regular customer.”

The doctor nodded. “I’d appreciate that.” The doctor grinned at them then turned away and began loading the crates onto his own mule. 

Jayne, Zoe and Simon exchanged a glance before climbing into their mule and turning back toward _Serenity_. 

River and Mal were waiting for them as they approached the ship. River was at Simon’s side before he could climb down.

“Simon?”

Simon smiled. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know,” River answered with a frown. “Is something wrong?”

Simon climbed down, glancing at Mal before turning back to River. “No. Everything is fine.”

River studied him intently for several seconds before turning away and dancing over to Jayne’s side. Zoe shook her head and talked with Mal briefly before climbing up the stairs toward the bridge. Mal laughed at whatever it was that River was teasing Jayne about before turning to Simon.

“Something on your mind, Captain?”

Mal smirked. “Understand you made a new friend?”

Simon nodded. “Yes, it seems so. Though it was your escapades that made him friendly to begin with.”

Mal took Simon’s arm and began leading him out of the cargo bay. “Be nice to have a regular customer for a change.”

Simon glanced back at River and Jayne as Mal guided him past the infirmary and up the stairs. Jayne was smirking and River was grinning at them. Simon turned back to Mal. “You’re feeling better?”

Mal smiled. “Yeah, I am. Told Zoe to go and pick up our wayward girl. Be nice to have the crew back together again.”

“I’ve missed having Kaylee around.”

Mal nodded. “She does make the place feel like home, don’t she.”

“And I’m certain she’s as anxious to be home as we are to have her here. She’s probably been pampered to within an inch of her life by Inara and her girls.”

Mal turned to Simon at the door to his quarters and smiled at him. “You just called _Serenity_ home.”

Simon nodded and glanced away. “Yes, I did.” He looked at Mal. “It feels like home.”

“Glad to hear that Doc.” He kicked open the door to his quarter before turning to yell at Zoe on the bridge. “We’ll be in our bunk, Zoe.”

Simon blushed as Zoe laughed.

Mal grinned. “After you, Simon.”

Simon shook his head but obediently climbed down the ladder.

****

Epilogue

“Heard from Badger,” Mal said as he entered the mess and wandered behind the counter where Simon was making tea. “Seems your doctor friend wants some med supplies delivered next week. Pick ‘em up on New Melbourne before heading over to the Georgia System.”

Simon nodded and turned to Mal as he leaned a hip against the counter beside Simon. “I’m sure you never thought that your actions after Miranda would result in so much regular business.”

Mal wrapped an arm around Simon’s waist. “It was unexpected. Never knew that so many folk hated the Alliance.”

Simon huffed a brief laugh. “I find that hard to believe.” He lifted a hand and began to unbutton Mal’s shirt. Mal arched a brow and let Simon have his way. “There wouldn’t have been a war if everyone trusted the Alliance.”

Mal gasped as Simon lowered his head to lick at the pulse beating in Mal’s neck. “Reckon that’s so.” Mal shifted slightly and pulled Simon closer, lowering his hands to Simon’s ass. 

Simon pushed Mal’s shirt open, running his fingers lightly over the scars covering his torso. “Is there any chance we can take a little time and let me shop for medical supplies for the infirmary while we’re on New Melbourne?”

“Something you’re missin’, Doc?”

Simon grinned and nuzzled at Mal’s throat. “We’re running low on basics.” He looked up at Mal. “And you can’t promise that someone won’t come back shot from your capers.”  
“That is so,” Mal agreed and squeezed Simon’s ass. “Better finish what you started, Simon.”

“Don’t I always?” Simon asked, his voice husky, his eyes burning into Mal’s.

“Seems I can’t enter a room anymore without stumbling on one or both of you half undressed.”

Simon and Mal stepped away from each other quickly as Kaylee’s voice rang through the kitchen. 

Kaylee laughed softly. “Guess turnabout is fair play, though, ain’t it?”

Simon and Mal exchanged a look before Mal spoke. “We, ah. Well.” He paused and nodded. “Guess I owe you an apology.”

Kaylee smiled and leaned against Mal’s shoulder. They both turned to Simon. “He is hard to keep your hands off of, ain’t he?”

“That he is.”

Simon felt heat rise in his face and took a step back. Kaylee and Mal grinned at him. 

“I, uh don’t,” he frowned at them.

Kaylee laughed. “Don’t mean no harm, Simon. I meant what I said.” She looked up at Mal. “I’m okay.” She stepped back and retrieved a mug from a cupboard. “But that don’t mean I want to walk in on you two every five minutes,” she finished with a tart look at Mal.

Mal blushed at that and exchanged a glance with Simon. He cleared his throat. “Well, reckon we best be on our way then.”

“Have fun, Captain. Simon.” Kaylee smiled at them and turned away, taking her tea back to the engine room and leaving them alone.

Simon looked everywhere except at Mal until Mal grabbed his hand and lead him toward his quarters. 

“Do you really think --”

“Yes, I do,” Mal interrupted with a grin at Simon over his shoulder. “You promised, you know.”

Simon smiled. “I can keep my promise later.”

“Uh huh,” Mal grunted sarcastically. “Then you probably should have waited before getting me all wound up.”

Simon laughed and pressed against Mal a moment. “I won’t apologize for that.”

Mal grinned down at him. “You best not apologize. But you best take care of it.”


End file.
